my valentine's day gift guide 💟
from the world's worst gift giver
It snowed today in Seattle. Not enough to stick but just enough so people with nothing better to do post IG stories showing me what I can see from my window. In Korea, they believe witnessing the first snowfall of the year with someone you like will lead to a blossoming relationship. I definitely tried manifesting some shit last year by referencing this tradition in my personal journal thinking it was cute. I was on some “we’re seeing the same snow” because she was working across the pond and maybe that still counted. It didn’t and it wasn’t cute and I’m just as delusional as the Mavericks GM who traded Dončić to the Lakers.
But alas it’s February which means Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! And boy do I have fond memories of this love-washed consumeristic holiday. I recall my middle school crush gifting me a magnet with a paper heart cut-out of a pug she made which I returned a bag of Swedish fish for. Or the time I kept chocolate chip cookies in my glovebox waiting for the least embarrassing moment to admit I drove an hour through rush hour traffic to pick them up for this girl because I’d heard she liked them.
This year, I thought it’d be fun to make a guide exploring how I’d tackle shopping for this holiday outside of the typical chocolate and flowers cliché. Each of the collections I’ll mention are heavily inspired by people in my life that I think of as flagbearers for particular categories. All items mentioned are things I would actually consider gifting someone or would love for myself if I cosplayed as them for a day.
BUT FIRST, some things to note:
I might be the worst gift-giver known to man. Despite my best efforts, I have a terrible record when it comes to this stuff. It’s reached a point where I’m seriously considering accompanying each gift with a complimentary 911 call because the recipient is either having a heart attack or clocking me straight in the jaw — both eventually needing an ambulance. My friends don’t like the gifts I give them. At least that’s how I feel after seeing the puzzled half-smile on their faces whilst unboxing my gifts. But I don’t give these gifts for no reason. I follow principles:
Personalization: Every relationship is unique and comes with its own sets of inside jokes and history. To some extent, your ability to get someone a good gift is a testament to how well you know them. This could be as simple as “I saw this and I thought of you” or more abstract if you think the person would appreciate that more. Bonus points if you’re able to impart the spirit of your relationship into a gift that makes them go “the only person who could’ve gotten me this is you.”
Elevated Minimalism: These days I’m trying to downsize the absurd amount of stuff I have. Splurging on items that last ends up being way more cost effective too. Everyone has routine processes they perform regularly and trying to find a gift that elevate their quality of life or makes that part of their day just a little bit more enjoyable pays dividends over a lifetime.
Experimentation: Lots of people my age are starting to shed their skin and explore new interests and hobbies. Supporting them growing into themselves by getting them a gift might just be the gentle push they need. Experiential or hobby specific gifts are great ways to cheer them on during this exciting part of their lives. Especially for Valentine’s Day, bonus points for gifts that allow you to experiment together.
We mustn’t dilly dally much longer, here’s my Valentine’s Day gift guide:
For the “pretty” ugly girl:
This is the girl who makes her friends wait 20 minutes at a restaurant while she’s up in the aesthetic bathroom trying to find the perfect mirror selfie angle. Sweetie, if it takes you that long to find a good angle of yourself, I fear we’re facing a problem bigger than lighting and the proper phone tilt. She compliments every girl she sees in there to boost their ego just so they’ll return the favor and maybe join her mirror selfie. Ariana Grande has convinced this girl that if god is a woman, that woman is her. Think Regina George without the visual prowess of Regina George. If you have a girl like this in your life, this is what I’d get them:
The Ultrafragola Mirror: Odds are, she’s walked into a Nordstrom to take a selfie with this mirror before but I hope having one at the crib will illicit humbling ideas of reflection. Once she’s reminded of what she looks like by doing a fit-check before hopping out the door, maybe she’ll question why she’s mean to anyone with a face like that.
An Erewhon tote: The wellness industrial complex completely indoctrinated this girl into a cult where Erewhon is the place of worship. This bag properly one-ups the Trader Joe's one and what’s more pick-me than a bag that screams “I’m not like the rest…”
The Euphoria Fashion book: She glamorizes the reckless teen life depicted in the show and wishes to emulate Alexa Demie’s character Maddy soooo bad. This will look dope on her shelf and help her cop the fits.
Generic Chanel Perfume: The scent itself doesn’t matter because this girl only cares that the bottle is cute and that is says CHANEL. I picked this one because it was Valentine’s Day themed and the description says it “unfurls for a radiant and feminine scent.” Yeah whatever that means.
A month long trip: Brat summer has flourished at the cost of glorifying drug addiction to a generation without the resources to treat it like the popstars do. A trip worth 40 racks might not be enough to repair the damage but considering I found this trip on Recovery.com, it’s worth a shot. And helping your partner battle addiction sounds romantic to me!
For the aloof goof:
This is the guy with a foolish grin, completely oblivious to social cues. Living an insular life, he’s contempt with the simple things. The comfort of routine and the people he surrounds himself with have never pushed him to want something more than what he’s got. This guy goes to the gym, has a job that he isn’t super fond of, and that’s pretty much it. It’s all just a means to an end. But what’s the end? This is what I’d get for the aloof goof:
Dior Sauvage: You can’t buy common sense but you can cop him some common scents. I can’t think of a more befitting fragrance for a man of this stature.
A bouldering gym membership: He’s looking for new hobbies and the bouldering gym provides endless possibilities of physical and metaphorical things to cling onto. This’ll give him a chance to meet lots of likeminded fellows and bond over the intricacies of chalk and groping rocks.
A dog: I love seeing when boring dudes get a new dog and suddenly it’s the catalyst of their entire personal rebrand. Getting a dog doesn’t suddenly make you more interesting, unless you cop a Tibetan Mastiff cause I think those are pretty cool.
The Linea Micra: Coffee and latte art is a ritualistic craft I could see the aloof goof really liking. Learning how to pull a good shot and make cortados will be fulfilling for himself and give him the chance to serve others too.
For the homoerotic boyfriend:
This is a new breed of soft man. This is the guy who seemingly has elevated or minimalist style but it’s really just UNIQLO or YesStyle Instagram ad-core. He’s fruity around his friends who all seem to have either a middle part, wolf cut, or whatever BTS wannabe groups have made trendy. If he owns a Miffy item prior to you meeting him, run away dear. He’s ran through and pulling out all the stops to manipulate you into being his subservient little girlfriend. So if someone’s gay little son is your boyfriend, this is what I’d get him:
Labubus: I have yet to meet anyone who likes these that can articulate what the big deal is. These have taken the Asian people by storm and I can’t understand why. This man doesn’t get it either but get him one to hang from his bag for female attention.
A haircut: This is the equivalent of a man taking care of his girl’s nail appointment. It’s a thoughtful gesture to say the least but involves knowing who his barber is and when he plans on getting his next haircut. Luckily, he’s gay so you’ll know one way or another.
The Canon AE-1: To capture all the memories! The starter kit film camera for the starter kit man lol.
A custom jersey: With the name of his favorite girl group member on the back. A completely diabolical piece to have this in the closet but between the poor taste satirical tees and the sambas, at least this jersey is a more accurate representation of who he is — a fan.
…and last but not least,
For my future ex-girlfriend:
AKA my wife. This girl wouldn’t hurt a fly and is often too sweet for her own good. I say often and not always because there’s a particular way she likes her bread toasted in the morning and if you mess that up, she’ll beef with you all afternoon until her midday nap. She’s the favorite grandchild for obvious reasons and has a sweater game that rivals Taylor Swift. It goes without saying she deserves more than a silly holiday, but Valentine’s Day warrants some extra attention. If you’re shopping for your favorite person, here’s where I’d start:
The Solitaire 1895 by Cartier: Get the girl you love a ring. I like this one because it’s called the Solitaire which makes me think if I play my cards right, I’ll only have to worry about the bread spent on this ring and not her decision when I pop the question.
Matching Keiko Human Made shirts: I usually think matching couple fits is corny but I find these tees tasteful and a great fit for the occasion.
Niko June bowls: These would go hard with some cereal or a nice little yogurt granola bowl. Comes in red and in a set of two so it can be a shared experience. I’ll feel a way though when our friends come over and she hands someone this bowl while being a good host. I thought they were our special bowls…
This strawberry necklace: For your strawberry princess. She’s sweet and so is this necklace. It’s loud and obnoxious and more bedazzled than anything she’d ever wear normally but she underestimates her abilities. She’ll pull this off and the day she does Die In Your Arms by Bieber will play and my eyes will dilate.
The Sandy Liang x Salomon steppers: These shoes give 90’s Korean mom core and I’m kinda here for it. Sandy Liang’s been killing it in the womenswear space for awhile now and the recent collab departs from her typical pink ribbon ballet stuff into something a little more everyday. Perfect gift for your favorite girl.
And there you have it, my Valentine’s Day gift guide! What’re your plans this year? I anticipate getting slightly buzzed with a friend over an exuberant amount of red wine. Thanks for reading! Happy shopping and happy Valentine’s Day <3